What Can We Do for Special Needs Families
xx Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear
By Dr. Darla Clayton, PsyD, The Mobility Resource
1) You lot are not lone.
There may non be anyone else with the aforementioned constellation of symptoms every bit your child merely at that place are people with similar challenges. Discover those people. I have never met anyone with all of these same challenges as my kid but I have a potent network within each separate diagnosis. We have fabricated wonderful friends and have found—and I hope provided—a corking deal of support inside each of these. I just have to pop onto 1 of my Facebook groups and I'm immediately reminded, I'k not alone.
2) Yous as well deserve to be cared for.
We are placed in a position of caring for others nearly constantly. Withal, you still need and deserve to be cared for. That entails asking friends or family to bring a meal by every at present and then, or going for a pedicure, or a date night, or whatever else you enjoy doing. Whatever makes you feel special and taken intendance of, have the time to enjoy it, you are worth it!
3) You aren't perfect—and that'due south ok!
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We can wallow in our goof-ups or move on! Try to shift your thinking, perchance there was a expert reason you missed that date, that you were sure was on Tuesday but obviously was on Mon. Maybe your kiddo had a tough day at school and just needed the dark off. Who knows? But beating yourself upward isn't going to change the situation, so try to move on.
4) You lot are a superhero.
You may not spring buildings in a single bound or run faster than a speeding bullet merely you are a superhero none the less. Everyday, you manage situations that a regular parent would call up are incommunicable. You lot stretch tight muscles, think pills, inject and infuse medicine. You hold hysterical children during horrendous medical procedures. You bargain with tantrums and melt downs. And most often manage non to take a tantrum or melt down yourself. You encourage your child to do things doctors told y'all they would never do but you never gave upward hope. You are a therapist, nurse, doctor, friend and confidante. You are no regular parent.
5) Therapy is play.
Having sat in on several therapy sessions, I have been frustrated by what I thought was premature discharge from therapy on more than one occasion. Since then, I have grown, I accept learned and I accept come to understand. For children, therapy is play and play is therapy. What I mean is that the best therapists notice ways to make my son engage in challenging activities that he otherwise would have balked at, by making it a game that he wanted to play. We took a folio from their volume and did the same at home.
6) Play is therapy.
Yes this is unlike from number v. After discharge from therapy, we sought extra curricular activities for my son that would offer therapeutic benefits. He played sled hockey, runs on a rail squad, learned to shoot archery and takes swim lessons. All of this is therapy. He'southward learning, having fun and getting stronger. Win, Win and Win!
7) Make time to savour your kids
Nosotros super parents tend to be fairly busy and often over scheduled. However, while everything on your calendar is of import, it's as well important to make time to play, laugh, be airheaded and simply enjoy your kids. Read to them, snuggle with them, appoint with them with what's important in their worlds. Make memories outside of hospital walls.
8) You will be obligated to make heart wrenching decisions.
You volition take to make painful decisions that hurt your heart and leave y'all questioning everything y'all thought you knew or understood. Know that you are doing your best, remember number three. I am guilty of agonizing over these types of decisions, they tin can become really overwhelming to me. Talk about your puzzler with others who go it and trust yourself to brand the all-time decision. Arrive motion on and once information technology's made don't rethink it. Easier said than washed, but worth a attempt!
9) You won't always get it correct.
Many of the choices you are forced to make take no right answer, just the bottom of the hard and painful wrong choices. Y'all volition do your best just you lot won't always go information technology correct no matter how many sleepless nights you spend agonizing over how to handle a situation.
ten) Forgive yourself.
Aye, you lot volition screw things upward sometimes despite the very all-time of intentions. No corporeality of torturing yourself will make y'all feel meliorate, nor will it help y'all to brand ameliorate choices. Recollect many of the toughest decisions accept no right answer.
See also: 7 Confessions of a Special Needs Mom
11) Being a parent is hard. Being a parent to a child with extra needs is extra difficult.
It tin can likewise exist extra rewarding. Make us actress passionate. And will almost always brand life extra interesting. With the challenges come up the rewards. Sometimes yous accept to search your heart for the rewards only they are there if you look for them.
12) Parenting a child with extra needs is like a marathon.
For those folks who are trying to win a marathon, there are no breaks. If yous desire to stay in the race, you lot consume, drink and fifty-fifty pee while running. But our marathon will go along for the foreseeable futurity and beyond. So recollect, you don't demand to win, just make it to the end. The guy who comes in last place in the marathon, he took breaks, he stood and drank some h2o, grabbed a quick seize with teeth and used the porta-john for his business, then got back on the road. Give yourself those moments—all the same brief—that are for yourself. Goodness, you lot might even go to pee in peace every now and then.
13) Don't lose yourself.
Don't let being the parent of a special needs child create or reshape your identity. We are many things, being the parent to a child with special needs is office of our identity. But information technology shouldn't be all of our identity. When y'all focus all of your life, all of your contacts, all of yourself effectually your kid and their needs, who you are can get lost. Find things in your life you enjoy doing, a glass of wine, a hobby, shopping for yourself.
14) Keep your sense of humor.
Certain things go nether my skin, nosotros all accept our buzz problems, one of mine is people first linguistic communication. But if y'all're not careful, you can go overly sensitive to so many things that people starting time to avoid your company. Many colloquialisms like "I almost had a stroke", or "I about had a heart attack" are disconcerting to parents whose children have in fact had a eye attack or a stroke. However try to retrieve that people are not making these comments to offend or upset yous.
fifteen) Gloat the piddling things!
Brag about those accomplishments that might seem small to others just are huge for our kids! Our kids develop on their own clock, they learn many skills late and some they never master. A wiggled toe that couldn't wiggle before, a word, a sentence, a smiling, a hug, whatever that milestone may exist, share it with those who dear yous and your child.
xvi) Don't let typical parents go you downwards.
I know how hard information technology is to hear from parents that their kid six months younger than yours is walking and yours isn't. Or dealing with the well meaning stranger who asks why your ii-year-old is scooting around on their butt rather than existence upwardly on their anxiety. Endeavor to call back that these people lack the context that nosotros are constantly embedded in. Explain, teach, be patient, raise sensation amidst those who merely don't get it. And remember, typical parents deserve the right to brag besides and their pride at their child'southward accomplishments is not meant as a knock to your amazing kiddo.
17) Don't compare.
This is another challenging ane folks, merely worth the piece of work. All kids are different, typical, or with extra challenges and they will grow and develop at their ain stride. If a developmental milestone isn't met every bit you think it should exist, certainly talk to your child's md. Comparing, siblings, cousins, kids in the daycare class, or even comparing kids within the aforementioned disability blazon rarely serves to make you lot feel ameliorate. Your child is unique, and will have their own individual strengths and challenges.
18) You don't take to be "THAT" parent.
You know the ane who conspicuously spent 10 hours creating the astonishing snack shaped like an animal with licorice whiskers. The one who sends adorable care for numberless for every holiday. The one who finds the coolest gifts for the teachers every twelvemonth. And whose child is always dressed in the cutest outfits that somehow never get dirty. If that'due south the mom you lot are led to be, more power to you! Yet, I have found that at that place are e'er plenty of those mom's in my child'southward classes to keep them in cute snacks and treat bags. Since I take bigger fish to fry, I let them accept all the glory!
19) Make time for your union.
Union is hard piece of work, period. Parenting is hard work, menstruum. Parenting a child with special needs, is particularly hard work, period! For those of you who are married or in a relationship, make time for that relationship abroad from your children.
See besides: The Barracuda Momma: Jubilant Mom'due south Gift of Sacrifice
xx) Trust your instincts.
You know your children all-time. Doctors, teachers, therapists are all fantastic resource just if you don't feel like yous're being heard, or your kid's needs are being met, it's very reasonable to get a 2d opinion. Don't be afraid to fight for your child and their needs. While the professionals are experts in their areas, you are the expert on your child.
Answering to Mom, Mama and Mommy, Dr. Darla Clayton is a Coach and psychologist also. She earned a doctorate in clinical psychology from Indiana Academy of Pennsylvania. She is a wife and a female parent to 2 fantastic children, a 9-year-old son who has cerebral palsy and a 5-year-old daughter.
Inspired by her son's success competing in adaptive sports, and concerned by the lack of sport options available to him, she founded Strong every bit Steel Adaptive Sports in 2011. The team provides sport specific training and opportunities for children ages five to 21 with physical disabilities and visual impairments. Disclaimer: Dr. Darla writes from the perspective of a mom in the midst of raising a child with a inability and ane without. While she works as a psychologist in her other life, she would like to make it clear that she is in no mode intending to offer medical or mental health advice through this venue.
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